Sunday notes….Nature vs Nurture!

my Pastor and I

Something has been happening. The church notes for my most recent posts disappeared when I went to write the post. I was frustrated but I refused to be deterred and I wrote them from memory. I saved them the same way I usually do on the same iPad I am typing on right now and they disappeared. The enemy is trying to silence this and I will not be moved.

Today’s message was liberating and I wanted to share. I saved it at least 10 times 🙂 This post is just a spin off from the introduction. I am someone who thrives on information. I like to be given the information and then have the opportunity to make an informed decision. As a result, I don’t believe in forcing God on anyone, but as long as people have ‘information’ then they will be accountable for their own ‘informed’ choices.

There is much debate and studies in psychology on nature vs nurture; the things that are innate in us vs the things that are learned. My Pastor, yesterday, shed light on this in a way that was very interesting to me. It takes both nature and nurture for us to get to our purpose in God. Some of us didn’t have parents who recognized the ‘purpose’ that God had in mind for us so they didn’t nurture that in us; the leader in us, the writer in us, the pastor in us, the teacher in us etc. As a result some of us struggle as adults with our calling and our design because we weren’t nurtured to see ourselves as good; just the way God made us.

my parents and I

young me 🙂

Even now, as I reflect, I see my ‘purpose’ playing out in what I had a proclivity for as a child. I am a Pastor and a Teacher. As a child I always liked school (still do), never wanted to miss it, I loved to learn. I believe good teachers are first good students. I was always a champion for the underdog and despise, to this day, to see someone taken advantage of. I love to help, protect and encourage. I was always the child wanting to bring some stray animal home. Anyway…

To the PARENT…..

Know the child/children you are raising. Seek God for the best strategy for each child. No matter how frustrated, stressed out and angry we get, we cannot say vile things that ‘kill’ the promise in our children. Some of us have very gifted children who are exposed to much more technology than we were ever exposed to. Bringing homework home and we have no idea what the correct answer is. Challenging us to step our own game up to better parent them.

Our children might be getting in trouble because we are not channeling their energy in the direction that fits what’s innate in them. Sometimes we mold them into what works for and is convenient to us. And they confirm, but are they truly happy? Or are they just pleasing us? Sometimes the truth is hard to hear from them.

baby girl 🙂

My own child had an episode this week where she did something that her dad and I told her not to do; for the third time! She got her punishment, but God said to me that she needs more structure. He told me that I needed to be more structured myself (time and schedule) before I am able to give it to her. I need to do a better job of juggling husband, child, ministry, work, friends and the dog!

To the ADULT….

As adults we can each reflect on our own upbringing and determine whether someone truly nurtured us. Some of us had parents and family members who filled in and helped us be who we are today. Some of us did not have anyone. And we only made it because of the grace of God. I have come across so many people who were abused and neglected, had the most vile things said and done to them from those who were supposed to be trust worthy. Those young and old, who don’t want to live. Who give themselves to anyone, turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the ever present pain, trade dysfunctional relationship for dysfunctional relationship because it is familiar, who are very angry inside, and simply see no other way out.

There is a WAY….

God is our rescuer...and I know that some of us are angry at Him because of what happened to us. But He still is the rescuer. He is the reason we are still here, not dead, not in a mental institution; still alive and sharing our story even if we are still stumbling through it. But God doesn’t just rescue us, just to rescue us….He rescues us so that we can rescue others!!

We have to stop being depressed about our design, circumstance and history, because God is up to something!! Don’t quit before you see what God is up to. Our design might have taken us down some dark roads…but we have to trust the One that made us.

We have to stop blaming others…and take accountability for our own choices. When we make the choice to be accountable, God will hook us up with the people who will lead us (and nurture) us in the direction that He wants us to go. Be ready!!

my ace bud…who pushes me

Depression and low self esteem are two things that are rampant in our society and especially in our young people….who might not feel as if they had a fair start in this game called life. But if I can pass anything on, it’s this, we have to play to WIN with the hand we’re dealt. With God we win every time!

Please pass the encouragement on….it might make the difference in someone’s choice 🙂

Be blessed.

JC

Question – who nurtured the purpose in you?

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Death….what is your perspective?

I don’t typically listen to the radio on my commute to work, but this morning I was listening because I wanted a heads up about traffic. They were talking about the passing of 53 year old Jon Richardson, the son of Carolina Panther’s owner, Jerry Richardson.He passed away after a lengthy battle with cancer. They mentioned how young he was and how he battled cancer bravely.

For some reason this stuck with me. I work in the field of homicide and about five months ago I had to go to the hospital because a six year old had been brought into the ER; he had been playing and some bricks had fallen on him. I stood there and watched several doctors and nurses surround him as they tried to save his life. A little later they all walked away….there was nothing they could do; he was gone 😦

I cannot articulate the anguished cry of the mother and grandmother as they realized what this meant. The stillness in the air, the clenched jaw of each doctor and attendant.The sob of the mother’s broken heart. The struggle to not picture your own child on that table. I stood there, dry eyed, jaws clenched and locked, wanting to be invisible. I stood there as the mother asked God for a miracle. The same God I was clinging to for strength and guidance to navigate through the grief and solemnity of the situation so that I could get the information I needed.

Yesterday I was speaking to a friend whose dad is now on life support; cirrhosis of the liver, death imminent. We talked about how the gravity of these situations cause families to come together and cause people to bury long carried hatchets.

Most people don’t like to talk about death. But I will venture there this morning because it is heavy in my heart and it is the one surety we have in life. At 53, Jon Richardson was young and, without argument, the six year old was young too. My friend’s father has been in pain, struggling and deteriorating for a long time.  There are myriad perspectives on these types of situation. Anger, regret, resentment, etc. A lot of times pointed at God.

What helps us? What helps our perspective as we transition to a ‘new normal’, without that loved one? How do we comfort and encourage a friend when we don’t know what to say? What happens when no one can answer the question ‘WHY’?

I just know one thing, God is God regardless and I know that there is more depth to this topic, but I just wanted us to not take life for granted. For us not to wish we had said ‘I love you’, or wish we had not parted on bad terms with hurtful words; or more importantly wished we had given our lives to God. Tomorrow isn’t promised, and who knows what ‘young’ is.

What’s your perspective?

Be blessed

JC